A Piercing that Drives Us to Our Knees
From the time our children are a positive line on a pregnancy test and then placed in our arms for the first time, our hearts as their mother are intricately intertwined with theirs. The first cry brings tears and joy, such inexpressible joy. And then they grow, and we love to see them exploring, learning, and developing their personalities. But the moment they come home having faced rejection for the first time, or they struggle with a mental illness that leaves us feeling deeply inadequate, or we get an email from the school that they’ve been caught cheating, each taste of sorrow and sin that they taste, we experience as well. The words spoken to Mary could be the gentle warning each mother must heed, “and a sword will pierce even your own soul”(Luke 2:35).
I’m not sure our children will understand until they become parents themselves that we feel deeply the things that they feel. We weep when their hearts are broken. We plead with God when they are afflicted. We battle our own questions and discouragement when we know they are discouraged, depressed, and doubting. We battle anxiety when they’re being foolish, and we plead with the Lord to overcome their willfulness. When they are behaving destructively, we sorrow and wonder what part we played, what we could have done differently. Were we too harsh? Did we not encourage enough? Were we hypocrites? In their desperate moments, we wish we could take their place, bear their burden more, remove their suffering. This is the piercing of our soul with the sword of the curse. When our children are wounded by the brokenness of this world, when they wander in darkness and have no light, when our own soul feels pierced with the sharpness of the realities they face, how do we persevere? When the day of adversity looms over our lives, we need strength outside ourselves so that we do not grow discouraged. What will strengthen us so that we can be strong in the battle for our families?
Fear the Lord. “Is not your fear of God your confidence?” (Job 4:6). When our anxious thoughts multiply, we must remember who God is. I love Derek Kidner’s commentary on Psalm 119:150-151. These verses say, “Those who follow after wickedness draw near; they are far from Your law. You are near, O LORD, and all Your commandments are truth.” Kidner says, “The threat is not glossed over; it is put in perspective by a bigger fact.” Like the psalmist, our enemy and the enemy of our children’s souls may be drawing near. Their trouble is real. Their pain is heavy. Their blindness is thorough. And we will not gloss over the enormity of the situations and hard heartedness that some of them face. However, we will put it into perspective with the bigger fact: our God is near. Our God knows all they suffer and exactly what they need. Our God is all powerful. Nothing is too hard for Him. No situation is beyond hope. With reverential fear for the beauty of God’s magnitude, we can confidently rely on Him for each and every beloved child.
Remember that another day is coming, when all will be made right. Lest our tender and pleading hearts grow faint in the waiting, we remind ourselves that another day is coming (Jeremiah 51:46-47). On that day, every tear we’ve cried, because of our children and on behalf of our children, will be wiped away. The confusion, inadequacy, and failure we have experienced as mothers will be cleared away. The fears will be silenced. The weariness will be replaced with rest. Indeed, clarity, joy, and forgiveness will be known in fullness on that day. And that’s what we can whisper to ourselves after another hard conversation with a wayward one, another year of silence from the prodigal, another hospitalization, or another lapse into addiction, “Another day is coming soon.”
Consider the suffering of our Savior and His triumph in it. “For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you may not grow weary and lose heart” (Hebrews 12:3). The author of Hebrews tells us that one key to not growing discouraged is to consider Christ. Think on Him. Meditate on Him and His life, death, resurrection, and triumph. Think about how when He suffered, He kept entrusting Himself to God (1 Peter 2:23). Think of Him standing at His Father’s right hand, having triumphed over sin and death, worthy of all praise and glory. Because He has overcome, we have confidence that we too shall overcome and be victorious. Though our children may be heartbroken or prodigals, we will overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us (Romans 8:37).
How do we nourish their hearts and offer hope in hard things?
Have compassion. Because we too are subject to weaknesses, suffering, failure, and sinfulness, we can put on a heart of compassion and deal gently with our wounded or wayward children (Hebrews 5:2).What does a heart of compassion look like? Taking that late night phone call. Sitting with them and crying with them when they are hurting. Not using phrases like, “I told you this would happen” or “I knew it was just a matter of time before you messed things up again.” Patiently listening to their story, listening carefully for clues that show their fears and other things they may not even be aware of themselves. Pointing them to Christ. We want our compassion to be the vehicle that expreses our love to them at times when the words may fall short.
Offer words of encouragement. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21). “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24). “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life” (Proverbs 10:11). As mothers of those who are hurting, whether by their own decisions or not, we can determine to be the giver of life, sweetness, and healing with the power of our tongues. It could be a text, letter, phone call, or lunch date, but let’s aim to build up our children with our communication. We must, of course, speak truth, but Spurgeon said, “No matter what good truths you have to teach, no one will thank you if you do not speak kindly.” Let us, then, speak boldly to build them up with “the law of kindness” on our tongues (Proverbs 31:26 NKJV).
Acts of kindness. Sometimes the way we nourish their hearts and offer hope is by using our hands and feet to meet their needs. Maybe a card to let them know we are thinking about them and praying for them. Perhaps we clean their room or help them with a project to help lighten their load. Maybe we take them out for one on one time, investing in the relationship so that there are more opportunities later to minister to them. Maybe we have groceries delivered to an adult child’s home. An act of kindness that demonstrates our love may be as unique as each child and situation. We can ask God for creativity and wisdom in order to minister effectively to them.
Pray. This is of course the most important thing we can do that undergirds all the other ways we seek to offer help to our kids. “Prayer is the slender nerve that moves the muscle of omnipotence” (Spurgeon). J. C. Ryle, commenting on the mother who pled persistently with Jesus to cast a demon out of her daughter (Mark 7:24-30), says this, “The woman who came to our Lord, in the history now before us, must doubtless have been in deep affliction. She saw a beloved child possessed by an unclean spirit. She saw her in a condition in which no teaching could reach the mind, and no medicine could heal the body — a condition only one degree better than death itself. She hears of Jesus, and beseeches him to ‘cast forth the devil out of her daughter.’ She prays for one who could not pray for herself, and never rests till her prayer is granted. By prayer she obtains the cure which no human means could obtain. Through the prayer of the mother, the daughter is healed. On her own behalf that daughter did not speak a word; but her mother spoke for her to the Lord, and did not speak in vain. Hopeless and desperate as her case appeared, she had a praying mother, and where there is a praying mother there is always hope” (Expository Thoughts on Mark, quoted from Gilbert). May we likewise pray for the ones who cannot or will not pray for themselves.May the piercing of our hearts with the sword of our children’s suffering and sorrow drive us to our knees to plead for them. Even if our child’s case appears hopeless and desperate, may we be like this persistent mother and never rest until our prayers are granted.
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